I’m White and I’m the Only One That Notices

Most days I feel like a foreigner. It’s clear in my mind. It’s simple. I feel different in mentality and in color. However, at certain times, and as time goes on I feel like I have a place here, like I get it. For instance, when hiking with the Sunday group I feel that I am amongst friends and any differences are not very apparent. I am brought back to ponder the topic of race. When integration first began the cultural differences were hard not to notice. They were obvious and made me feel out of place. My life consisted of a continuous stream of uncomfortable situations. My different skin tone made me feel even more foreign and like one more thing that set me apart from the locals. While this difference is really not any sort of meaningful difference at all, when it is paired with culture shock, having a different skin tone stood out in my mind as just one more barrier to easy integrating. I have wondered on more than one occasion how much easier it would be to integrate if I were black. However, as I have begun to settle in and come to feel more and more comfortable and familiar with this new place I think about the color difference less and less. It’s becoming only a minute detail, trivial at best.

When you are having fun and feeling at ease you realize that being uncomfortable with the color difference was only confused with the discomfort of being in a totally new and unfamiliar environment. Perhaps the preoccupation with it is born out of a deep seeded historical socialization that’s conditioned us to have regard for color differences. In St. Lucia, being concerned that a color difference might be creating a barrier that sets one apart is needless and a waste of energy. It unnecessarily exasperates the discomfort of being in a new and unfamiliar culture. The truth of the matter is that St. Lucians don’t carry the same degree of race discrimination that we historically have and currently do in America. You will see that the treatment of minorities (in this case whites) in St. Lucia is to be envied and set as a standard to model.

Once I cool out and stop worrying that my race may set me apart I realize that I am the only one taking notice of the fact that I am white. Yeah, you might be mistaken for a tourist every once in a while and offered a taxi or asked if you need assistance making your way around the island, but people relate to you as any other ordinary human being. They like to get to know you, and in their eyes they just have a darker tan. No difference is seen between whites and blacks by St. Lucians. From their point of view the only important difference in being black or white is that they rarely need to worry about burning in the sun. Yeah, a Lucian friend might warn you every once in a while to put on more sunscreen when you are getting red in the hot Caribbean sun. Of course, this might be followed by friendly banter of calling you a lobster and noting their own luck of not having to worry so much about the sun… lucky them!